“Sasquatch Steps Out for 1st Time in 4 Days. Rents 7th Season of Law & Order: SVU.”

So, I stepped out of the house for the first time in 4 days today.

The sun is usually disgusting but it’s been raining lately so I didn’t need to bring my parasol and silk fan out for once.

I walked over to the plaza on the corner to buy a few pairs of new underwear. Not that I’m lacking in the underwear department but I am lacking in the “will-to-wash” department, as well as in the “will-to-walk-over-to-the-garage-where-the-washer-is-located-and-risk-having-to-talk-to-my-parents-about-how-the-job-hunt-is-going” department . I used to buy new underwear all the time in college when I got too lazy to wash my clothes and it’s a nice little tradition that’s carried over– even now– 6 months after I’ve graduated from college. I don’t have to do it as much anymore because, well, I’ve accumulated a lot of underwear over the years.

This princess lifestyle should probably stop soon. I’m running out of jury duty money and I don’t know how much longer it’s going to take for me to find a job. It took my friend Tabitha 16 months to find a full-time job.  She could’ve had two premies in that time.

Tabitha had an unpaid internship which ended up turning into a lucrative entry level job after those 16 months. I’m using the word lucrative very loosely–  I’ve been unemployed for so long that my dad gave me a $20 the other day and my eyes welled up a little.

Full disclosure: I may’ve been pms’ing.

Follow-up full disclosure: I’m lying.  I wasn’t actually pms’ing. I’m just incredibly grateful for any Jeffersons thrown my way. I almost bent down to shine his shoes afterwards.

I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I have a job and I start receiving checks.

I’ve been applying to really lame admin jobs but I rarely get any responses. I’m starting to get really desperate, so much so that I’m even starting to feel pangs of jealousy towards people with jobs involving dealing with customers which makes no sense because I hate people.

The other day I went to my video rental place and I stared down the guy working behind the counter. One minute I was reading the back of a DVD case and the next I was staring down the video clerk as he was signing a couple up for a membership. I was watching him in his work place wearing his work uniform doing his work in a very “time-to-get-to-work” manner when I felt a wave of anger come over me. I wanted to storm up to the counter and yell, “HEY. You’re not better than me!”  I think I must’ve been staring for a while because he definitely noticed and we made very awkward eye contact for a brief moment. He looked like a frightened baby deer.

Because I have nothing going on, I go to the video rental place very often so I hope the video clerk quits soon. I’ve been a patron of that video rental place since I was 12 and I’m not going tostop going, damn it. Sure, I still don’t have my own membership account because I keep using my parents’ but technically I have SENIORITY over him. What does he have? An employment contract? Lame.


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